THE LONG JOURNEY HOME

Saturday saw me leave India. I shared a car with Ross and Dennis because the 3 of us had flights much later than the rest of the group so we didn't want to take the bus at 9am. A 2.5 hours car ride cost us each 500 rupees ($11 US - try getting a cab ride like that in Toronto!) so it was worth it.

However, we got to the airport at around 3 and I still had some 7.5 hours before my flight. Unlike the Singapore airport, at the Trivandrum (TRV) airport there is nothing to do. The security wouldn't let me into the airport (where there was airconditioning) until 3 hours before my flight. So I just sat in the heat. The only thing to do out there is to really catch up on the latest styles of moustaches since everyone in India has one. I just sat outside the airport reading a book. Once in a while I would walk to the other side of the airport where I'd have to tell the waiting taxi drivers "No thank you" and then walk back. That managed to kill about 4 minutes of my wait each time.

Finally, at about 7:30, one of the machine-gun-toting (yes machine guns) security guards waved me over letting me into the air conditioned inside of the airport. Not that I need to tell you this, but India is hot, so it's no real treat to sit outside in the hot airport for about 4 hours.

The security at the TRV airport is more intrusive than a physical from your doctor. After you put your carryon the xray bag and go through the metal detector, some guy still waves you down with a handheld wand, even if nothing beeped. At the airport, on the tarmac, there are still guys with rifles standing sentry.

Once I got on the plane, the real adventures started. My flight left 10:30 TRV time and landed in Singapore at 5:45 Singapore time. The total flight was only some 4 hours, so I tried to sleep. I wanted to try to get back onto TO time as soon as possible.

On the Singapore flight to Tokyo (Stopover) I tried to sleep. By the time I woke up, it was already 8 am LA time, which meant it was 11 am Toronto time so I had to stay awake till I got home.

Once in LA, my love affair with Singapore Air ended rather quickly. Apparently, they forgot to put my bag on the plane in Singapore. I found that out in LA - they already had my name on a list (I hope it wasn't b/c I was "smuggling" in almonds!) and they promised me it would be put on the next flight to Toronto since it was landing in LA at 4pm. I had a 3pm flight back to TO.

There was nothing of real value in my luggage, save for the bag itself, the shawl I got at the closing ceremonies, and three scarves that I bought as gifts. Those scarves were "irreplaceable" in that there's no way I'd find anything similar in Toronto for the prices I paid for those three scarves. Because one of the recipients may read this, I won't say the price.

LAX was a great time. I found a duty-free store that had 30% off of Burberry ties. $90 ties for only $63 US, and because I paid for them with US dollars that only cost me $1.121 CDN before I left, I got those ties for ONLY $70 CDN. What a bargain! I completely forgot about the $750 exemption we're allowed to bring back into Canada duty free (I only brought in $200 worth of goods) otherwise I'd have gone buck at the duty-free store. I LOVE TIES! (If anyone is ever in need of an idea to buy me a gift, clearly a Harry Rosen gift card would be well appreciated and I'd probably buy a tie with it so you'll be a part of me wherever I go).

I also got some good news in LA - Edmonton forced a Game 7 in the Stanley Cup finals. I had to flip through at least 3 or 4 U.S. newspapers before I could find out the outcome of Game 6. A big drawback to the U.S. is that hockey is clearly not a priority there, especially when a city's team is out of the playoffs. I was very ecstatic to find out that there would be a Game 7 - not so happy about the outcome but that's another story.

On the flight back to Toronto, I realized that airlines really need "Kiddy Class" where all the parents with their kids can be segregated from the rest of the passengers because after flying for over 24 hours, the last thing I want to put up with is some screaming kid.

Sadly, my luggage did not end up in Toronto on the 4pm flight from LA. It wasn't until Friday, 5 days after I returned to Toronto, that I was reunited with my luggage. So, finally, a happy ending to the trip was just delayed.

That concludes my journey to India, the land of Tom Selleck fans, water that gives you the shits and food that is spicy.

FRIDAY JUNE 17

The Chronicles of Nania

Today, because there was no work, we had no time constraints to wake up, unless you wanted to eat breakfast (for free* - an asterisk attached b/c while we didn't leave any money on the table after eating our 3 set meals a day, they were paid for out of what we paid for fees to go on the trip).

Friday was a special treat because in that we were going to see how Nan bread was made. I'd often eat two or three (or sometimes even four) pieces of the sweet tasting bread at whatever meal it was served to us. No real mystery, but it was confirmed that the sweetness of the Nan came from the sugar used to make the dough.

It seems that almost everything we ate had sugar added. Or rather, Indians add food to their sugar. Each morning at breakfast, we were served a glass of freshly squeezed juice - with sugar added. It's as if sugar is one the major food groups. To paraphrase a friend of mine, maybe the Indians believe that food is just an excuse to eat sugar.

That afternoon we boarded our Magical Mystery Bus for our last outing. We went to go see some sort of waterfalls. I think waterfalls are really attractive, natural wonders to see. Now, I wasn't expecting to see anything of the magnitude of Niagara Falls, but I definitely wasn't expecting to see what I did see.

The waterfall, whether natural or man made, was in some sort of park that required admission. Actually, to call it a waterfall is an insult to waterfalls everywhere, but for ease of reference, I'll call it a "waterfall". This waterfall was really just an outdoor shower area - yes, water was falling over a cliff edge of some kind, but I don't envision a bunch of Indian men, most in shorts and some in their traditional Indian skirts (which the white skirts become VERY transparent when they get wet) lathering up. Worst 2 rupees (approx. 5 cents U.S., yes a nickel) I ever spent.

The Last Supper

That night was the closing ceremonies and our final meal as a group, since two were leaving that night because they had really early flights the next day. There were speeches from Mr. John, the head of Habitat for Humanity Kanyakumari (the local affiliate) and we got to meet the homeowners, many of them who had never met any "white" people. Note, that Leo is Korean, Andrew is Chinese and Flore is Columbian, so I don't think that they'd be consider "white" by any stretch of the imagination. For the homeowners, it was good for them to see the people who were volunteering their time to help build their houses.

We were showered with gifts of appreciation - including certificates that had watermarks of the photos taken of us throughout the week - and some sort of ceremonial shawl. It was a nice way to close off the 2 weeks of work.

THURSDAY JUNE 15 - T-minus 2

Today was the last day of work at the work site. It was also a 1/2 day at that. The previous day was also a half-day for, too, because not only did I go back to the hotel at 11 am, but our group was in the midst of learning how to make an Indian chicken dish, which to give a Cliff's Notes version of the lesson:

• mix a lot of spices and spicy food (green hot chill peppers) together
• add chicken
• add salt
• add more salt. A. Lot. More.
• cook
• eat
• extinguish fire in mouth

On our last day, the bulk of what we were doing was moving bricks. Again. Sometimes, it felt like I was volunteering with Brick Moving for Humanity. We were moving the bricks from the pile where they were dropped off by the truck to one of the three houses we were working on because the masons were going to be building the walls of that house.

Let me describe the three Habitat houses on which we were working. The first one had its foundation poured, and walls were in the process of being put up when we got there on the 1st day. Most of our tasks involved carrying sand from the pile by the pre-school to the side of the house to be used for mortar for that house. There was also some masonry work to be done, and we had to carry buckets of rocks, but I have no idea what they were used for. By the time the last day rolled around, there was already work being done on the roof.

The second house had its foundation set, and some brickwork set for walls. Mostly we had to fill in the rooms with the dirt that made up the land that surrounded that house, which eventually made it tricky to get into that house because we used most of the dirt near the entrance to fill up the rooms. Once the rooms were filled (i.e. a floor was created which would eventually have concrete poured over it because its next to impossible to keep a dirt floor clean) that's when the bricks had to be moved into piles in the house to give the masons easy access to them, and this is where we started a chain gang go first pass the bricks (working the obliques and arms) and then later we started to toss them, working our shoulders. A lot of the work we did could've been seen as a very interesting exercise regime - when we'd toss pans of dirt, that worked the legs, abs, shoulders and for the catch: the forearms. The rest of the work on that house consisted mostly of masonry - mixing mortar, bringing pans of mortar to the masons and the volunteers who were helping to lay brick.

The third house was the house we worked on early during our trip and on the last day. For the first job we did, we had to fill up the foundation with dirt to eventually create a ground floor. The dirt was from the dirt that surrounded the house - but a lot of it had to be broken up, which was very hard. Aidan, one of the 3 20 year olds on the trip, was "one with the dirty" and was able to break up good chunks of the solid dirt with the dirt-breaking-stick. It wasn't until our last day, that we did more work on that house - brick carrying in buckets, masonry work. At 11:30 am exactly we had to install the door frames - there were only short walls in place - because of some sort of ceremonial reason. There was even flowers tied to the door, and pictures were taken with us holding onto the door. I don't know the reason for the exact time why that door had to be put up then.

The reason for the 1/2 day was so we could go to the beach. There was nothing to get excited about going to the beach because, India being a very conservative society, required the girls to wear shorts and t-shirts at the beach, even if they went in the water. Beach blanket bingo it was not.

WEDNESDAY JUNE 14, 2006

T-minu 3 days until departure and the "India Syndrome" - getting sick - got me. I left the worksite at 11 am because my stomach had been doing sommersaults all morning, and there was a ZERO percent chance I was gonig to use the bathroom at the worksite. The fact is, there was no toilet paper in that bathroom or even a place to hang a roll is enough of a deterrent from using it.

That night, we went to an orphanage. We were probably the highlight of those kids' day. They taught us this game called "Seven Stones" - a game with elements of bowling, dodgeball and running around all rolled into one. What seemed to enthrall the kids the most was our digital cameras. The same kids kept asking for their photos to be taken. Some of them asked at least a half-dozen times. It was probably the novely of the digital cameras and the instant gratification of immediately being able to see their picture, but some of these kids were the biggest photo hams I'd ever met - with their GQ poses against whatever was available - trucks, cars, clotheslines, each other. Aidan and I ended up draining our batteries from taking so many photos of the kids.

Aside from sweating so much because of the heat and running around from the games we played with the kids, it was a very enriching experience to have visited with those kids, and if our small gestures brought a smile to their faces, then, it was well worth a little (ok, a lot) of perspiration.

TUESDAY JUNE 13, 2006

On Saturday afternoon, we visited the tsunami site. For allt he damage we saw, the amazing thing is that there were zero casualties. The houses that were ravaged by waves reaching 30 feet high at the peak of their crescent were shoddily built.

The restoration site was amazing given that there were 180 huoses build in only 9 months. I don't know if any of them were occupied yet, but there were very nice houses, even if some of them were pink. It reminded me of a little retirement villa in Miami. For the most part, there's very little living in Toronto, that can be experienced that could even compare to losing a house in the tsunami. Even if one is lost, insurance covers most of the damage anyway.

We're down to 3 days of work left - today was moving rocks and then bricks. A. Lot. Of. Bricks. Some 2000 bricks. It's really boring, but I'd rather do that than mix concrete.

The idea to move the bricks from the pile to the house by tossing them along a line of 6 volunteers, then repeating the process at the half-way mark seemed like a good one at hte time. Then again, so did communism. When Ross, who pitched the idea, called it "assinine" we realized we had to stop. Turns out, it was only 60% as efficient as carrying the bricks in a bucket, but the fun we had tossing those bricks: priceless.

SATURDAY JUNE 10, 2006

Today was another 1/2 day. Actually, it was an optional day, and alst night I'd said to myself that I'd go if I woke up, which I did.

Most of the kids in the neighborhood were home and we were treated like celebrities. They kept asking us for our "autographs" so we'd write our addressed in their notebooks. Actually, one kids asked me at least three times to sign his book. I guess all white people do look alike.

One thing I've recognized is how much we take for granted. The people for whom we build the houses drink the water in India, without regard for the same things that we've been warned about. We can easily turn on a tap and drink the water without worrying about getting sick. Those kids int he village live in what we may consider to be squalor conditions, but they seem happy about it.

THURSDAY JUNE 8, 2006

Today, thankfully, was a 1/2 day of work because we're going sightseeing this afternoon.

The morning was spent filling up the foundations of the house where the walls were built yesterday. It's nice to see some real progress being made and knowing that we are making a real contribution.

We were even tossing the pans of dirt to be used to fill the floors like we saw the Indian boys do yesterday to get the pans of mortar from the ground to the roof of one of the buildings. Some of us were better at tossing the pans than others, and Patrick, was the Randy Moss of catching pans, manaing to even catch pans full of dirt while he had an empty pan in his hands.

This afternoon we went to the sites of Kanyakumari, including the Gandhi memorial which is very interesting. It is where Gandhi's ashes were spread after they went on their "world tour" to countries of significance in Gandhi's life - such as England, South Africa, and a few others. The memorial is designed with references to Hindo, Muslim and Christian religions to embody Gandhi's vision of peace amongst the different religions in India.

WEDNESDAY JUNE 7, 2006

Last night, I made a serious and grave error at dinner - I ate a chilil pepper. By accident. A. Green. Hot. Chilli. Pepper. I do NOT like spicy food, so this was a real drastic downturn for me.

Aside from my own folly - the dinner was great. The meals being prepared for us by the hotel have been very delicious and really healthy - plenty of chicken and fish.

Dinner was held at 7pm instead of 8pm so we finished earlier than usual. Didn't matter. I was so tired, I still crashed right after dinner.

The drawback to gonig to sleep so early is that I tend to wake up early. Real. Early. Which is fine if I'm back at home and want to get into the office early or go to the gym, but not so fine when I really have nothing to do in a hotel room in India except really sleep.

Today was probably the hardest day on the work site. One of the tasks I had to do was carry jugs of water that was used to make mortar and pour over the bricks. This is water from a well or faucet which means it is not fit for animal consumption, let alone human consumption. The Indian men tried to show me to carry the jugs on my shoulder - but I was having none of that. The water is disgusting and filthy (even though it looks clear) and I was trying to keep as much of it off of me as possible.

Thankfully, after lunch, and after I made it crystal clear that I didn't want to carry any more jugs of water, I was part of the brick chain - moving bricks from the pile to pile in the house so the masons could accesst hem. Handing bricks along the cian or tossing them from volunteer to volunteer really does a number on your back and arms. Needless to say, I'm sure I'm getting quite a workout here without having to set foot in a gym.

We were taking pictures of some of the young men as they worked on a house. They were such jokers - hamming it up for the camera, including obliging us with the gratuitous bicep shot. As we were leaving, the kids in the day care that we pass by every day were waving goodbye to us. It was absolutely adorable.

One thing I'm lokoing forward to when I get back home is sitting on a normal-sized toilet. The latrine on the worksite is one of the toilets of a house in the community, but it really is just a hole in the ground. I don't think I'll ever go #2 there. But even the toilet in my hotel room has its own shortcomings. It is really, really short. My knees are hitting my nostrils when I sit down. It's also not as comfortable as the one back at home. To paraphrase Dorothy "There's no place to shit like home."

Tonight, I did something that I hadn't done in a long, long time - played Uno. Except it was "Killer Uno" which has its own set of extra rules, including skipping turns, reversing direction, trading and even playing out of turn. Ross kept trying to convince everyone to put down the Uno cards and play poker, stating that "Poker is a lot more fun and doesn't suck as much" but there weren't enough takers. The guys, who did want to play poker, had the last laugh - we, including myself, won all the games of Uno.

TUESDAY JUNE 6, 2006

Day 2 on the worksite was no easier than Day 1. Not only did we have to drag sand again, but this time we helped the masons make mortar and lay brick. There was a whole wall put up by the end of the day. I twas even more tiring than the previous day.

It is amazing to watch the Indians working. The masons were incredible - I'd imagine that in America that bricks are cut using precise instruments nad saws. Here, the masons would hit the brick with the sharp edge of the trowel, flip the brick to another side, and hit it with the trowel again until they eventually get the brick to the size that they wanted.

The masons would lay the mortar and the brick with such proficiency, speed and expertise that the wall was finished so quickly. I was just trying to make sure that I didn't spill the extra mortar when I had to place it on the ground for the masons to use. As soon as someone offered to switch with me, I jumped on that chance, so I ended up carrying sand the rest of the day.

Our workday ended at 3 pm, so we could go to dance class - dance class on Tuesdays, piano lessons on Wednesday and Thursday is t-ball. It was traditional Indian dancing, which is something that men usually do not do, and involves quite a bit of eyebrow movement, and stomping.

JUNE 5, evening

Today we had a real treat - our bus driver hardly honked the horn. On Sunday, he was averaging a honk every 4 seconds. Ross, was going to have an aneurysm from all the honking.

In India, because of the sheer volume of street traffic - pedestrians, cars, rickshaws, motorcycles - combined with the narrowness of the roads, drivers have to honk to make sure people know that they are cmoing, so, well they don't get runned over. It just seemed that our driver had a horn fetish and felt this compulsion to keep honking. Over. and Over. and Over. Again.

Today was our first day at the build site. It was hard work. We were moving sand from one pile to another because the dump truck couldn't get to where it was needed. We had to break up this hard red clay that was used to fill up the foundation of a house. The work was very hard and very tiring.

I think that the time zone change finally caught up with me, so I just crashed when we got back to the hotel. Well, after I watched "My Best Friend's Wedding."

The food situation is very interesting from my point of view. For starters, I'm only being provided with 3 meals a day - normally I eat at least 5 to 8 meals in any given day. Thankfully, I brought almonds and raisins to tide me over on the worksite since meals are served about 6 hours after each other. On days, when I'm at work, I normally eat at least every 2 to 3 hours, so having to wait 6 hours for a meal is real shock to my system.

MONDAY JUNE 5, 7:35 am

Well according to our itinerary, we're supposed to be ahving breakfast now, but according to my roommate, he said it was 8 am. This was corraborated by the hotel restaurant waitstaff so I'm using the time to catch you up with my adventures.

Yesterday, we went and saw an old royal palace. The interior, like the ceilings and some of the columns were designed with such detail and intricacy that you have to really appreciate how little attention we pay to such design in our own homes today.

They also took us to Asia's largest bridge, which to be honest, I could've done without seeing. Some of the scenery was very beautiful (I even commented on the foliate. Yes, me. I couldn't believe it myself!), but let's face it - it was just a bridge. A. Really. Long. Bridge.

We've been warned about the awater - it goes without saying to adopt the Dave Matthews Band song as your mantra while here, but we're not supposed to use it to brush our teeth and there's no singing int he shower. Like an automoton, I've already accidentally run it under the tap. Twice. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

It's just amazing as to how much of a routine we get into when we're in the comforts of our own familiar surroundings and how it is sometimes difficult to break out of these very ordinary, very normal habits.

We're being chauffered around, s far, in the same "Studio 54" bus that picked us up from the airport on Saturday. On Sunday we actualyl got to see it for the first time in daylight, in all of its glory. Ross, one of the volunteers on the trip said "This bus is even more bizarre in the daylight than at night."

SUNDAY JUNE 4

I think India may be a real ideal country for me aside from the heat, humidity and dogs roaming the streets. I like dogs as long as they're leashed and muzzled, which is clearly not the case in India.

For starters, a 1-litre bottle of Aquafina is only 12 ruppes or approx. one US quarter! But even better - we're not supposed to tip until we check out of the hotel and then only if we want to. It's not expected!

IN the early AM hours of Sunday, when we finally arrived at the hotel, the bellboy took my bags up to the room and lingered around until I gave him US$2. Then a little later, 4 hotel staff came into the room and started to rearrange our bags and letting us know the phone numbers we would need - front desk, room service, etc. They lingered around until I gave them US$1. When our Habitat host came in I asked him the protocol on tiping - i.e. how much is appropriate. Apparently the answer is: NONE. He asked if I remembered to whom I gave the tips, and even though I couldn't, or really cared about US$3, he went and got me $2 back. I hope I can get out ofthis mindset of tipping until the end for when I go to New York in July lest I really piss off some bellboy.

Saturday June 3, 2006

I'm in Singapore right now and it is approx. 1:12 pm, and my flight to India is not until 7pm so I thought I'd regal you with some tales. The trip got off to a surprising start when the x-ray machine found a pair of scissors that I accidentally packed in my carry-on. Oops.

I suppose I should mention that I really hate to fly - the notion of turbulence and having my ears pop is an experience that I'd describe as far from pleasant. My flight path is Toronto to LA, LA to Singapore (with a brief stop in Taipei) and then Singapore to Trivandrum, India.

I think that Air Canada has hit a new low. They now charge passengers for EVERYTHING - $2 for a pillow and blanket; $5 for a sandwhich; $3 to go to the washroom. Sinagpore Airlines is the anti-Air Canada. They gave us a free toothbrush and pair of purple socks (which I forgot on the plane) and on the flight from LA to Taipei we got 2 meals. 2! Except I slept through the first one because by the time the plane left LA it was 1am, which was 4am Toronto time.

The biggest shock so far was dealt to me in Taipei where we had a 1-hour stop over between LA and Singapore. A 1.5L bottle of Evian and a cup of coffee cost me $11US. Actually, the real shocker was the coffee which was $6US. That's right. Six. American. Dollars. For a cup of coffee. Granted, they brew each cup individually using a set of instruments and containers that look like they would be used in a crystal meth lab in some guy's basement. But $6!? If I'm going to pay that much for a cup of coffee, I'd better have someone pouring it down my throat.

Let me tell you more about my love affair with Singapore Air. Aside from haivng a flight attendant on the flight from LA to Taipei named Paul Martin (the former Liberal leader has really hit on hard times since the Grits lost power in the last election) each seat had its own personal TV screen on the back of the seat in front of it. But, also, we can each watch what we want - including a selection of over 50 movies. I saw "13 Going on 30" which kind of sucked and bits of "Failure to Launch" (can anyone say Chick Flick Fest?) which I saw the entire thing on the f light from Toronto to LA. I was also able to see 2 episodes of "Everybody Hates Chris", 2 of "Two and a half Men". Who needs Blockbuster when I've got Singapore Air?!

The flights have been long enough for me to read over 1/2 of The Cider House Rules, which is a great novel, but to be frank, John Irving probably could've cut at least 15 pages from what I've read so far by using way less descriptions and details. I've also read 6 chapters of Everybody Worth Knowing, by the author of The Devil Wears Prada, Laura Weisberger, who is pretty hot.

The Singapore Airport is laden with one of the most vile carpets evoking images of puke. However, if it is perfumes and fragrances and time pieces you desire, you won't go for want of either, here. I couldn't go 10 feet without finding some sort of retail store or kiosk that wasn't selling either fragrances or watches. Try to find a cup of coffee here for under $2 - impossible - but you can buy almost any imangiable perfume at this airport. Maybe not Chacin's perfume. I think that's exclusive to the Toronto market.

It turns out that we flew Silkair to TRV, which sucks bigtime compared to Singapore Air. For starters, no movie at all, let alone no individual TVs with 50+movies and TV shows and CDs - on Singapore Air we had access to a number of recent CDs including U2's latest, which gave me a fix because I had left Beaker, my iPod (yes, I named it after the Muppet character) back at home.

Once we landed at TRV, let's just say that the airport is budget. We had to go down one of those staircases from the plane to the tarmac, just like the Beatles did then they landed at JFK in '64. Except, there were no throngs of teenage girls there to greet us. Just security guys with machine guns and rifles.

We then had to take a bus about 3 hours to our hotel. This bus looked like it was from the Steve Reuben - owner of the infamous Studio 54 - reject collection. The interior felt like velvet and it was a maroon. The inside lighting was pink and there was a pole smack dab in the middle, with several jokes cracked about it being a dancer's pole.

I was so relieved when we finally arrived - not only becuase I had to pee really badly, but because it meant that I was that much closer to my first shower since Thursday morning - the longest I've gone without showering or bathing in as long as I could remember. Now, in fairness to myself, my Friday June 2nd lasted all of one hour that I was in LA because once I got on the flight to Singapore, I promptly fell asleep and when I woke up, we had crossed the International Date Zone, and lo and behold it was Saturday.